CHILD EDUCATION AND TRAINING

CHILD EDUCATION AND TRAINING

TOPIC: CHALLENGES IN RAISING TEENAGERS

Parenting is the process of taking care of children until they are old enough to take care of themselves. It is the responsibility of parents as the heads of the family to take proper care of their children in such a way that will enable the best in their children to manifest as the grow up. We learn everything we do in life. We learn to walk, we learn to eat, and we learn to read. There is a need for parents to invest time and resources to learn parenting skills so that they can give their best in their parenting responsibility. In this column, we will be dishing out information about child education and training to inform parents and equip them with the knowledge that will be useful for them to give their children the best education and training. We are majoring on challenges in raising teenagers on this piece.

OVERCOMING THE CHALLENGES IN RAISING TEENAGERS

Teenagers are children between the ages of thirteen and nineteen. Research shows that children change in attitude and appearance during this stage when certain developmental process both physical and mental takes place in children. It is a challenging stage both for the children and parents. Children need in a large extend parental guide at this stage if they must be groomed to be responsible adults.

In raising adolescence children, there are two paramount factors that can be of great help. The two factors are simply wisdom and understanding. When one is learning a new skill, no doubt there will be difficulty in understanding some basic rules in that field but learning the skill is not outrightly impossible. Raising teenagers may pose a little difficulty but it is possible to learn the skill if you want to. All you need is to seek the necessary skill to give your teenagers the best guide that will make them responsible and intelligent children. The first key is for parents to try to understand just what is happening during this exciting but often confusing stage of growth. The following are certain behavioural changes that occur during this period:

1.    The teenagers’ desire for independence makes them rebellious.

2.    The teenagers’ get more opinionated and can question parent’s authority.

3.    The teenagers’ get more self-conscious about their appearance

4.    The teenagers’ get more secretive and would want to have more privacy.

5.    The teenagers’ prefer to be with their friends rather than with their parents.

6.    The teenagers’ at this stage are developing a power of reasoning.

Parents’ understanding the behavioural changes that are associated with this period in the life of their children helps them to apply wisdom when dealing with them. The Bible acknowledges that in time, man will leave his father and his mother to prepare for greater responsibility in adulthood. Youths need experience in making decision. Teenage is a time for preparation for adulthood. Reasoning ability is developing at this stage. They need extensive explanation for whatever you want them to do. Doing so will mean training their perspective powers. The growth surge of teenagers makes them aware of how they look. This makes them more self-conscious especially the girl child.

They seem more secretive. This is dangerous. Privacy is different. Seeking out lonely place is a good value. Youths need some personal space and parents should respect that space. Privacy helps youths to think. Thinking is a necessary skill that will help teenagers a great deal in adulthood. Parents should understand this vital fact and give the teenagers the chance as they need.

In the same vein, establishing friendship is part of teenage behavioural change and it is part of growing up. It is a fact that bad association corrupts good manner. However, a true companion is a brother that is born when there is problem. Learning to maintain good friendship is a good skill that is very essential in the life of teenagers.

Parents are expected to acquire the understanding to handle the above situation when they arise in the course of raising the children. The ability to respond to a situation in a way that will give the best guide to the teenager is very important and in that case wisdom is needed.

The place of wisdom in raising teenagers cannot be over-emphasised. It may seem hard to be accepted, but the truth remains that teenagers are no longer little children. They are adults in training and parents are their teachers and mentor. You have the power both to build and to destroy a child’s self-confidence, determination and focus. The wealth of character standard you inculcate in them carries them all through adulthood. The following factors are essential in giving them a proper guide that can make them responsible adults.

1.    Communicating Well: Communicating well means giving them vital reason for whatever you want them to do. Hearing and listening is an essential factor in this case. Allow them to express their feeling before you provide the needed advice. Take time to listen to them when they try to explain things. Do not shout at them when relating issue but make them see reason for your point. One Danielle recounted her experience with her daughter to be true in this case, “I had an issue with one of my daughters over the way she talked back when I ask her to do anything. But she told me that I was always shouting at her and ordering her around. We resolved this conflict by sitting down and really listening to each other. She described the way I spoke to her and how it made her feel; I equally described my impressions and feelings to her”.

The woman found that being swift about hearing help her discern a deeper issue.  “Now I try to be patient with my daughter, and I try to speak to her angrily when I am not angry”. She added, “Our relationship is improving”. Communication is an essential factor. Ironing issues out amicably instead of yelling at your teenage children will go a long way in cementing a good relationship in the family, probably understanding will prevail.

2.    Independence: Your children need some freedom at this stage but giving them unchecked freedom may be dangerous. Proverb 29 vs. 15 warns that “A boy let on the loose will be causing his mother shame”. Teenagers need firm guideline and parents should be implementing family rules. Giving teenagers a degree of independence helps prepare them to make wise decisions later in life. Allow them to go out to sort their problems out themselves. The issue of doing virtually everything for them is not a ggod one, for example, so many parents do not allow their children to go for function alone. They either assign a driver to their children or assign someone else to take them to the function and bring them back home. It is an unnecessary protection. Doing all things for them and assigning someone to take them to function will not really grant the chance to learn from their mistake which prepare them for life challenges. I remember during our secondary school days, while we were writing external examination, some parents brought their children to the invigilator to take them to locate their seat for them, tell them sit down on the seat. They will even go as far as helping them sign documents. They will equally wait until the end of the examination and they will drive them home. They do virtually everything for their children. This to me, is over-pampering a child and it does not allow such teenager to stand on his or her feet early enough in life. Such children lack the needed confidence in terms of challenges. Many adult today cannot fill a form appropriately. This is due to the fact that people have been handling things like that for them. They are never allowed to fill their form for the fear that they may make mistake. Every mistake is an opportunity to learn to those who can try.  You hamper the child’s ability to sort his own problems out on his or her own if you don’t allow them to take up responsibilities. Think, for example, how you learnt to walk. At first, as an infant you had to be carried. In time, you began to crawl and then walk. It is not quite easy becoming mobile. It is even dangerous but you kept a close watch on your child and still allow your little baby to move about on their own. Probably after a number of inevitable falls, your child learns to walk. Having independence takes a similar process.

Even at preteen age, Jesus was granted a measure of independence. Jesus was very loyal to his parents and at the same time knew that he has a greater work to do for his father in heaven who sent him. You should grant your children such degree of independence with a degree of restriction as well.

The fact that your teenager may be upset by your restriction does not mean that you should relinquish your authority. Do not forget that teenagers are inexperienced in life and they still need guidance. Do not let yourself intimidated by your children’s feeling and allow them more freedom than they can handle. You should reaffirm your authority when they try to cross your independent boundary. They will surely reject your restrictions but don’t relent. They will eventually be grateful for your strict guidelines. When you spare them, you spoil them and they will live to blame you for not giving them the proper training and the shame bounce back to you.

 

By: Comrade Arinze Okwara

 He is the Founder of Missionary Organization for Child Education and Training (MOCET)